The Valentine’s "Showmance": Why We’re Done With the Disney Princess Fantasy (And the Sunk Cost Trap Keeping You Stuck)

It is officially that time of year again. February has arrived, and if you have a smartphone and a pulse, you know exactly what is about to happen. Your Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok feeds are about to be hit by a category-five tsunami of "perfect" love.

We’re talking about the 500 long-stemmed red roses, the candlelit beach dinners that look suspiciously cold and windy, the "surprise" Tiffany blue boxes, and the captions that read, “I don’t know what I’d do without my King.” For the single woman, this isn't just a holiday; it’s a performance. And let’s be honest: it feels like salt in a very specific, very modern wound. Even if you wouldn’t date her partner if he were the last man on Earth, there is something about the "Day of Love" that makes being alone feel like a glaring error in your programming.

But here is the Rubie Rubie truth: What you are seeing is a "showmance." It is a carefully curated, highly polished version of reality that has very little to do with actual intimacy. It is time to break the conditioning, unlearn the "Good Girl" rules, and understand why your brain is tricking you into staying in situations that no longer hold value.

1. The Psychology of the "Showmance"

Why do we feel the need to broadcast our romantic wins to 1,000 strangers? Psychologists call this Relationship Performativity. In 2026, our digital identities have become a "second self." As Dr. Sherry Turkle, MIT professor and author of Alone Together, famously notes, we have become "alone together." We are physically present with our partners, but we are cognitively elsewhere—specifically, we are in the "likes" and "comments" section.

Turkle’s research suggests that when we over-share our romantic gestures, we are often using the digital validation as a shield. If enough people "like" the photo of the roses, we can convince ourselves that the relationship is thriving, even if we haven't had a real, phone-free conversation in weeks.

When you see those posts, remember: You are comparing your "behind-the-scenes" footage to their "greatest hits" trailer. You see the rose petals; you don’t see the argument they had in the car about who was going to take the photo. You see the Tiffany box; you don’t see the credit card debt or the emotional distance.

2. The Sunk Cost Fallacy: Why You Can’t Leave the Theater

This brings us to the most dangerous logic error in the female brain: The Sunk Cost Fallacy.

Imagine you are at the movies. You’ve paid $25 for the ticket, $15 for the popcorn, and you’ve already sat through 90 minutes of a three-hour film. The movie is terrible. You hate the plot. You aren't laughing. You aren't moved. You just want to go home and put on your pajamas.

But you stay. Why? Because you’ve already "spent" the money and the time. You think, “If I leave now, I’ve wasted an hour and a half.” The Rubie Reality Check: If you stay for the remaining 90 minutes, you haven't "saved" your initial investment. You’ve just wasted another 90 minutes. You have doubled your loss.

We do this in our lives every single day:

• The Wardrobe: You keep the $400 boots that give you blisters because "they were an investment."

• The Career: You stay in a soul-crushing corporate job because "I spent four years getting this degree."

• The Relationship: You stay with a man who no longer makes you feel seen because "we’ve been together for five years."

  
  

A 2018 study published in Current Psychology found that humans are willing to stay in unfulfilling relationships for an average of 294 days past their "expiration date" simply because they have already invested significant time and effort. We treat our past years like a deposit at a bank, waiting for a payout that is never coming.

3. The "Average Joe" vs. The "Joneses"

Let’s talk about the "Keeping Up with the Joneses" tax.

Valentine’s Day is a multibillion-dollar machine. According to the National Retail Federation, total spending for Valentine's Day in 2025/2026 hit a staggering $27.5 billion. The average person is expected to spend nearly $190 on the holiday.

For most of us "Average Joes," a room full of roses and a designer watch isn't just an expression of love; it’s a financial strain. When I had a boyfriend, I remember the crushing weight of the "expectation." I would look at what other people were getting and feel like our love was "lesser" because we weren't at a 5-star resort.

I hated that I did that. I hated that I allowed a marketing calendar to make me feel like my partner—who was a good man but not a millionaire—was failing me. We were average people trying to live a Disney Princess life, and it was exhausting.

The Truth: Real love isn't found in the Tiffany box. It’s found in the "Average Joe" moments. It’s the person who knows how you like your coffee, the friend who texts you when you’re quiet, and the sister who listens to you vent for the tenth time about the same problem.

4. Unlearning "The Good Girl" Conditioning

Why is it so much harder for women to "pivot" and leave?

From the time we are toddlers, girls are socialized to be prosocial, polite, and persistent. We are given dolls to "nurture" and told to "make it work." We are taught that being a "Good Girl" means finishing your dinner, finishing your book, and finishing your relationships—no matter how much they hurt.

Men, generally speaking, are socialized differently. If a man’s needs are not being met—whether in a job, a hobby, or a relationship—he is often more comfortable "pivoting." He is encouraged to be the architect of his own destiny. He doesn't sit in the movie theater for an extra hour to be "polite" to the director.

As independent women in 2026, we need to start adopting that same energy.

• It is okay to hurt someone's feelings if staying means you are hurting yourself.

• It is okay to be "difficult."

• It is okay to walk away from something that no longer holds value.

  
  

We have been told to be quiet and be polite, but politeness is a terrible reason to waste your one and only life.

5. The 364-Day Rule: Reclaiming "Love"

Who decided that "Love" only counts if it’s romantic? That is a commercial lie sold to us by greeting card companies and diamond cartels.

There are 365 days in a year. Valentine’s Day is just one of them. That leaves 364 days to celebrate the love that actually sustains us.

In Ancient Greece, they had six different words for love. We have flattened them all into one "Disney" version. Let’s bring them back:

Philautia (Self-Love)

This is the most stable relationship you will ever have. It is the love of the woman you see in the mirror. It’s buying yourself the flowers because you like the way they look on your table, not because you need to prove someone loves you on Instagram.

Philia (Deep Friendship)

This is the "Ride or Die" love. It’s the friends who have seen you at your absolute worst—breakups, job losses, bad haircuts—and still think you’re a queen. This love is often more durable than any romance, yet we rarely see a "Philia" post on February 14th.

Storge (Family Love)

The love for our parents, our siblings, and our "chosen" family. It’s the safety net that catches us when the "Disney" romances fail.

The Love for the Life You Built

Do you love your job? Do you love your pet? Do you love the way your apartment looks at sunset? Do you love the fact that you can travel, eat what you want, and sleep in the middle of the bed? That is love.

Why can't we post about that? Why can’t we celebrate the fact that we have built a life we don't need to escape from?

6. How to Advocate for Your Needs (The Pivot)

The Sunk Cost Fallacy keeps us trapped because we are afraid of "wasting" what we’ve already spent. But Annie Duke, decision strategist and author of Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away, argues that quitting is actually a superpower.

"Success does not lie in sticking to things. It lies in picking the right thing to stick to and quitting the rest."

If you are currently in a situation—a date, a job, or a friendship—that makes you feel small, here is your Rubie Rubie permission slip to pivot:

1. The "Clean Sheet" Test: If you were not already in this situation today, would you sign up for it right now? If the answer is no, you are only staying because of Sunk Cost.

2. Stop Waiting for a Prompt: You do not need a "sign" from the universe to leave. Your own discomfort is the only sign you need.

3. Be the Villain in Someone Else’s Story: You might be the "bad guy" for breaking up or quitting. That’s fine. Being the villain in someone else’s story is better than being the victim in your own.

   
   

7. A Rubie’s Ritual for February 14th

If the social media noise gets too loud this February, try this "Digital Detox" ritual:

• Mute the Performers: You aren't being mean; you are protecting your peace. Mute any accounts that make you feel "less than."

• The Solo Date: Take yourself out. Go to the movie (and leave if it’s bad!). Buy the expensive dessert. Realize that your own company is a luxury.

• Write a Love Letter to Your 2030 Self: Tell her about the woman you are becoming. Tell her how proud you are that you stopped waiting for a "Prince" and started building a kingdom.

  
  

The Bottom Line

Valentine’s Day is one day. It is 24 hours of marketing fluff and performative posts. Do not let it overshadow the beautiful, messy, real life you have worked so hard to build.

You are an independent woman. You are in charge of your own narrative. You are allowed to leave the theater. You are allowed to change your mind. And you are allowed to be so wildly in love with your own life that a bunch of overpriced roses feels like a footnote, not the main story.

You only live once. Don't spend that life waiting for someone else to tell you that you're worth it.

Love, Arlyn xoxox