Is My Partner Into Fetish? 7 Signs to Know (And What It Means for Your Relationship)

Sexuality is complex, layered, and often more colorful than what we see in movies or mainstream culture. For some people, fetishes—specific objects, fantasies, or practices that heighten arousal—are part of their erotic blueprint. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is my partner into fetish?” you’re not alone. According to research in the Journal of Sex Research, up to 30% of people have experimented with or are curious about fetishes at some point in their lives. But how do you know if your partner has a fetish? More importantly, what does it mean for your relationship? Here are 7 signs to look out for.

Understanding Fetishes: A Journey of Discovery

1. Subtle Hints in Conversations

Your partner might test the waters by making lighthearted comments or jokes about certain kinks. Pay attention—what may sound like a playful remark could actually be a gentle way of revealing genuine interest.

💡 Expert insight: Sex educator Dr. Justin Lehmiller notes that humor and casual remarks are often “safe entry points” for people to bring up sexual interests they’re nervous to discuss directly.

2. Unusual Preferences During Intimacy

If your partner consistently gravitates toward specific acts, clothing, or scenarios during sex, it could be more than just a passing preference. Consistency is often a clue that it holds deeper meaning for their arousal.

💡 Expert insight: According to Dr. Michael Aaron, a psychotherapist specializing in sexuality, a fetish is often defined by its reliability in triggering desire—it’s less about “trying something once” and more about “needing it repeatedly to feel fully turned on.”

3. Clues in Media Consumption

From the porn they watch to the books they read, erotic media can be a window into hidden desires. A pattern—like an interest in bondage, roleplay, or feet—may reveal what truly excites them.

4. Strong Emotional or Physical Reaction to Specific Triggers

A fetish often comes with an intense response. If your partner seems noticeably more aroused when exposed to a certain object, scenario, or sensation, it might signal a fetishistic turn-on.

💡 Expert insight: Psychologist Dr. Leonore Tiefer explains that fetish responses are often learned associations—objects or situations tied to early experiences of arousal that carry into adulthood.

5. Buying or Suggesting New Items

Introducing toys, outfits, or props into the bedroom can be a sign of curiosity or exploration. If these items seem niche (like leather gear, restraints, or roleplay costumes), it may point toward a specific fetish.

6. Difficulty Opening Up About Fantasies

Fetishes can carry stigma, and many people hesitate to share them. If your partner avoids direct questions about fantasies or seems nervous when the topic comes up, it might be because they’re guarding a fetish they don’t know how to express yet.

💡 Expert insight: Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel emphasizes that secrecy often grows out of shame, not disinterest. Creating a judgment-free space for sexual conversations can help partners feel safe enough to open up.

7. Fantasies Extend Beyond the Bedroom

Sometimes, a fetish spills over into everyday life. For example, noticing a fixation on shoes, feet, or uniforms outside of sexual contexts could hint at a deeper erotic association.

Navigating the Conversation

If you recognize some of these signs in your partner, it doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble. Fetishes are more common than most people think, and research suggests they can be a healthy part of sexual expression when approached with honesty and consent.

The Importance of Communication

The most important step is communication—asking open questions, creating a safe space for discussion, and deciding together how (or if) to explore these desires. After all, intimacy isn’t just about sex; it’s about trust, understanding, and accepting each other fully.

Embracing Diversity in Sexuality

Understanding and accepting fetishes can enhance your relationship. It encourages deeper connections and fosters an environment where both partners feel valued. Remember, every relationship is unique, and exploring these aspects together can lead to greater intimacy.

Conclusion: A Journey Together

As you navigate this journey, keep in mind that exploring fetishes can be an enriching experience. It’s about discovering new facets of your partner and your relationship. Embrace the conversation with openness and curiosity. Together, you can create a fulfilling and trusting partnership.

Love,

Aryln