“My mate is a narcissist… and I didn’t see it at first.”

Here’s the thing most guys don’t admit out loud: men see narcissistic red flags in their mates long before women start dating them. We see how he talks, how he treats people, how he reacts when he’s not getting attention. We see the subtle digs, the ego, the charm-switch, and the constant need for validation.

But women? You meet him when he’s in “best behaviour mode. ”He’s charming. He’s witty. He compliments you like it’s his full-time job. You think, Finally — a grown man who knows how to communicate.

Then suddenly… things shift.

He becomes colder, more critical, harder to please. The pedestal becomes a platform for control. And

you’re left wondering, Where did the guy I met go?

As a bloke who watched his mate do all of this — repeatedly — to great women, I’m here to spell it out. So here are the 7 narcissistic warning signs he consistently displayed… signs every woman should clock before things get serious.

1. He Love-Bombs Hard — Then Pulls Back the Moment You’re Invested

At first, it feels like butterflies. He’s messaging constantly. He plans dates. He tells you you’re different from the others. He hints at a future he has no intention of building.

My mate used to say:

Love-bombing isn’t affection — it’s strategy.

You’ll know it’s narcissistic when:

• The intensity feels unnaturally fast

• He mirrors your values to make you feel aligned

• He future-talks about things he has no history of committing to

• He suddenly detaches once you’re hooked

When a man is genuine, he builds connection instead of manufacturing a high.

2. He Can’t Handle Not Being the Centre of Attention

A narcissist doesn’t just want attention — he needs it like oxygen. If the spotlight moves, he’ll find a way to pull it back.

My mate would:

• Interrupt conversations to bring them back to him

• Get annoyed if his date didn’t compliment him

• Claim other men were “intimidated” by him

• Get moody if she received praise, opportunities or admiration

If you find yourself shrinking so he can shine, that’s not love — that’s emotional crowding.

A healthy man feels proud of you. A narcissist feels threatened by you.

3. He Criticises You in “Jokes” That Aren’t Funny

Every fight my mate caused started with:

Except it wasn’t. It was a dig dressed up as humour. It was control wrapped in sarcasm.

He’d mock his date’s:

• Job ambitions

• Body

• Fears

• Clothes

• Intelligence

All with a smirk.

Real men uplift. Narcissistic men destabilise — because your insecurity makes you easier to manage.

4. He Has a Curated Public Image but a Chaotic Private Life

Narcissistic men care deeply about how they look rather than who they are. My mate was the king of:

• Polished Instagram

• Smooth charisma with strangers

• Being charming to waitstaff

• Looking like “the perfect boyfriend” in public

But behind closed doors? He was inconsistent, moody, defensive and dismissive.

He’d perform kindness publicly and withhold affection privately. That contrast is one of the biggest signs of narcissistic personality traits.

5. He Avoids Accountability Like It’s a Full-Time Job

Dating a narcissist feels like this: You bring up an issue — he flips it back onto you. You express a need — he calls you demanding. You show emotion — he says you’re overreacting.

My mate used to twist every argument so that he’d end up being the victim.

He would:

• Blame his childhood

• Blame stress

• Blame his ex

• Blame her tone

• Blame literally anything except his behaviour

A man who refuses responsibility is a man who cannot love deeply.

Accountability is emotional adulthood. Narcissists are stuck in emotional adolescence.

6. He Needs External Validation More Than Real Connection

Narcissistic men chase admiration, not intimacy. My mate couldn’t go one day without posting something on social media. At bars, he needed women to notice him even when he came with a date. He flirted for sport, not desire.

It’s because narcissistic men need constant proof they’re desirable.

You’ll notice:

• He needs his ego stroked

• He needs “options”

• He gets bored easily

• He seeks attention the moment he feels insecure

This isn’t confidence — it’s a bottomless pit.

Healthy men choose depth. Narcissists choose applause.

7. He Only Gives When He Gets Something in Return

The biggest giveaway?Everything my mate did for women had strings attached.

He’d:

• Act nice if he wanted sex

• Help out if he needed praise

• Give gifts if he needed loyalty

• Be charming if he wanted control

Narcissists don’t give — they trade. And they expect emotional interest on every “investment.”

If his affection feels conditional, measured, or transactional…you’re not dating a partner. You’re dating a salesman with emotional debt collection energy.

You’re Not Meant to Fix Him

Here’s the truth I wish more women heard: You can’t love a narcissist into empathy, maturity or consistency.

My mate didn’t change for any woman — he only changed when life consequences finally hit him.

Narcissistic behaviour isn’t just a relationship issue — it’s a self-identity issue. And until he decides to do the work, every partner becomes a mirror reflecting the parts of himself he refuses to see.

If you recognise these signs, take them seriously. Protect your heart. Protect your future.

And remember: A good man won’t make you feel confused, small or “not enough. "A narcissistic man will.

Choose clarity over chaos. Choose better — not because you deserve more someday, but because you deserve more now.

From Jack