You’re Allowed to Change: How to Share Your New Life Goals Without Losing the People You Love

There’s a quiet grief that comes with changing your life.

Not the dramatic, cinematic kind — but the subtle kind that shows up when you realise you’re no longer who your friends expect you to be.

I didn’t wake up one morning and decide to reinvent myself. It happened slowly. Through discomfort. Through outgrowing conversations. Through realising that the things I once said yes to were costing me more than they were giving back.

And the hardest part wasn’t changing.

It was figuring out how to tell the people I loved — without making them feel like I was leaving them behind.

Change Isn’t Loud — It’s Often Awkward

We talk a lot about “growth” online, but not enough about the in-between space. The space where you’re becoming someone new, but the people around you still see the old version.

That space is uncomfortable.

It’s where friendships feel fragile. Where you start wondering:

• Do I explain myself?

• Do I shrink to keep the peace?

• Or do I risk being misunderstood?

For a long time, I stayed quiet. I thought if I softened my edges, no one would feel threatened. But all that did was leave me feeling disconnected — from myself and from them.

Before You Speak, Be Honest With Yourself

What I learned is this: if you’re unclear about your own changes, other people will be too.

Before you explain anything to anyone else, you have to sit with the uncomfortable questions:

• What am I no longer willing to tolerate?

• What do I actually want now?

• What version of myself am I grieving?

Growth isn’t just excitement — it’s loss. And naming that internally makes it easier to speak externally without defensiveness or guilt.

The Conversations That Matter Deserve Space

This isn’t a conversation for a rushed coffee or a casual group chat message.

If someone matters to you, give the conversation the respect it deserves. Time. Presence. Space for reaction.

Not because you owe them permission — but because real connection requires care.

I’ve found that when people feel included in the why, they’re far less threatened by the what.

Vulnerability Builds Bridges Where Confidence Can’t

Confidence is easy to misunderstand.

Vulnerability isn’t.

Saying “This is exciting but scary” opens a door.Saying “I don’t fully have it figured out” invites understanding.

When I stopped presenting my growth as a finished product and started sharing it as a process, something shifted. The walls came down — on both sides.

Say the Reassurance Out Loud

One of the biggest mistakes we make when we change is assuming people know they still matter.

They don’t.

Say it clearly. Say it gently. Say it more than once if you have to.

“This doesn’t mean I love you less.”“This isn’t me replacing you.”“This is me trying to live more honestly.”

Reassurance isn’t backtracking. It’s emotional clarity.

Boundaries Aren’t Rejection — But They Need Translation

When your life changes, your availability does too.

Less time. Less energy. Different priorities.

To you, that feels necessary. To others, it can feel personal.

That’s why boundaries work best when paired with explanation. Not justification — explanation.

“I’m protecting my energy.” “I’m choosing differently right now.” “I still care, I just can’t show up the same way.”

Boundaries don’t end friendships. Silence does.

Not Everyone Will Come With You — And That Hurts

This is the part no one likes to admit.

Some friendships won’t survive your growth.

Not because anyone did anything wrong — but because the relationship was built around a version of you that no longer exists.

That doesn’t make the friendship meaningless. It makes it seasonal.

And seasons ending doesn’t erase what they gave you.

What Real Friends Do

Real friends don’t require you to stay the same to stay close.

They ask questions. They adjust. They let the relationship evolve.

And when they can’t — when the distance grows — you can hold gratitude instead of resentment.

That’s growth too.

The Quiet Truth

You’re allowed to change your life.

You’re allowed to want more, different, deeper.

You’re allowed to choose yourself — even if it confuses people.

The ones meant to stay will meet you where you are, not where you used to be.

And the rest? They were part of your becoming — even if they’re not part of your next chapter.

Love, Rubie xoxo