Don’t Invite Someone to Your Wedding Unless They Meet These 8 Criteria

Weddings are supposed to be soft, sun-kissed celebrations of love — a day where you look around and think, “These are my people.” But anyone who has ever built a guest list knows the truth: behind the champagne, florals, and seating charts lies the quiet chaos of deciding who actually gets a seat.

Do you invite a friend’s new partner you’ve never met? Do you need to send an invite to your cousin just because your mum thinks you should? Do you owe someone a wedding invitation simply because you went to theirs? What about your ex? Your partner’s old flame? The work friends you see five days a week but wouldn’t grab a wine with on the weekend?

These questions come up constantly. And the older I get, the more I realise weddings are not a community catch-up. They are intentional. Curated. Sacred. They are about atmosphere — the energy, the comfort, the love in the room.

So, here are 8 criteria every wedding guest should meet. If someone doesn’t fit them… well, the answer is no. And I promise: your day will feel lighter for it.

1. They Genuinely Bring Joy Into Your Life

Before anything else, ask yourself: Does this person add happiness, warmth, and positivity to my world?

Your wedding is an emotional day. Even the calmest bride or groom feels the weight of it — your nerves tingle, your heart races, you’re hoping photos are perfect, and you just want everyone to have a brilliant time. What you do not need is someone who drains your energy.

Think of the people who always leave you feeling lighter, not heavier. Who celebrate you loudly. Who show up when you’re struggling. Who listen when you ramble. Who genuinely want the best for you.

If they make your life better, they belong there. If they often make you tense, anxious, or self-conscious? That’s your answer.

Your wedding is not a charity event for emotional freeloaders.

2. They Have a Relationship With Both You and Your Partner

A wedding celebrates two people — not just you.

There may be friends your partner doesn’t know as well, and vice versa, but as a rule, your guests should root for the relationship, not only one half of it.

This eliminates:

• Your old party friend who never bothered getting to know your fiancé

• Your partner’s mate who still calls you “the missus” because he forgot your name

• Anyone who only sees your marriage through the lens of their relationship with one of you

If they can’t build a bridge to the partnership, their presence won’t add harmony. Weddings vibe on unity. If a guest cannot respect or connect with the union, they shouldn’t be there.

3. They Would Still Be in Your Life in 10 Years

Here’s a harsh but freeing truth: Many people in your life right now won’t be there a decade from now.

Work colleagues come and go. Gym friends fade. The friend you see once every nine months? They’re drifting. That uni friend you always mean to catch up with but never do? They’re a memory more than a presence.

Weddings reflect your future, not your past.

Ask:

• Will they matter to me in ten years?

• Would they check in if life fell apart?

• Would I check in on them?

If the answer is no, don’t invite them just because they were once relevant.

Your guest list should not be a museum of old relationships.

4. They Don’t Cause You Stress, Anxiety, or Drama

This category is bigger than people admit.

Some individuals trigger:

• anxiety

• old insecurities

• childhood wounds

• tension with family

• awkwardness with your partner

• general dread

Others bring logistical chaos:

• dramatic entrances

• drinking issues

• opinions on everything

• unpredictable behaviour

• competitiveness

• passive-aggressive comments

• gossip

A wedding is essentially a well-timed, choreographed emotional marathon. You do not need a wild card.

If you have to manage them, they’re not a wedding guest. If you have to explain them to your partner, even worse.

Your mental health > their feelings. Always.

5. They Truly Support Your Love Story

Let’s talk about the quiet opinion-holders — the ones who smiled at your engagement photo but whispered doubts behind your back.

You deserve to be surrounded by guests who:

• believe in your relationship

• cheer for your happiness

• don’t compare your life choices to theirs

• don’t make snide comments about marriage

• don’t treat weddings as gossip opportunities

• don’t secretly think you could “do better”

• don’t take your joy personally

• aren’t silently hoping to be proven right about your breakup

Some people want the best for you… then there are the people who want the best for themselves, which is different.

Your wedding should not include the latter.

Support is the one non-negotiable. Without it, a guest is not a guest — they’re an anchor.

6. They Are Not on the List Out of Obligation

This is the hardest one for many couples — but it’s also the most liberating.

You do not need to invite:

Your parent’s friends

Your parents’ tennis partner doesn’t need to witness your vows. Unless they are part of your life, their seat belongs to someone else.

Childhood acquaintances

“Your mums used to be best friends” is not a reason.

People who invited you to their wedding

You attended their wedding when you were 24 and drinking vodka raspberries. That does not obligate you to hand them a $300-plate invitation now.

Your boss

Unless you’re genuinely close.

Work colleagues

Just because you spend hours together doesn’t mean they belong in your personal milestones.

Friends you’ve drifted from

Not seeing someone for three years is your sign: you are not close anymore.

Family members you don’t speak to

Blood does not automatically grant access to your most intimate memories.

Obligation is the worst reason to extend a wedding invitation. People know when they’re being included just to keep the peace — and the vibe shows it.

7. Their Presence Won’t Create Awkwardness or Emotional Discomfort

Let’s talk exes, estranged siblings, former best friends, people you’ve fallen out with, or that friend of your partner’s who never warmed to you.

There is a myth that weddings “bring people together. "Reality? They amplify everything.

If someone’s presence makes you:

• tense

• distracted

• irritated

• self-conscious

• reminded of past trauma

• worried about your partner’s comfort

• unsure how they’ll behave

• question why they’re even there

… they’re a no.

Here’s an even simpler test: If you have to explain to other guests why this person is invited… they shouldn’t be invited.

A wedding should feel like a warm table at a restaurant — not a mediation session.

8. You Would Enjoy a One-on-One Coffee With Them Before the Wedding

This is the most useful criterion of all.

Picture this person sitting across from you at your favourite café a month before the big day. You’re sipping a latte and telling them about:

• your vows

• your excitement

• your nerves

• your dress or suit

• the planning stress

• the funny arguments

• the magic of it all

Now ask:

• Would this conversation feel natural?

• Would they listen?

• Would they care?

• Would you be happy to share that energy with them?

• Or would you feel like you’re oversharing to someone who doesn’t even know the details of your life?

If you wouldn’t enjoy a one-on-one moment with them… why would you want them at your wedding?

The coffee test does not lie.

Weddings Are Intimate, Not Inclusive

Your wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime moment where every face around you will be forever captured in photos, videos, memories, and the emotional atmosphere of the day.

People can be happy for you from afar. They can like your engagement photos. They can comment “Congrats!” on social media. That doesn’t mean they need to take up a chair at your wedding.

The only people who should be there are the ones who:

• love you

• support you

• uplift you

• nourish your relationship

• bring peace, not pressure

• make your day brighter

• add to the moment rather than drain it

If someone doesn’t fit these 8 criteria?

Then the answer is simple: They don’t need an invitation.

And trust me — your wedding will be far more joyful, intimate, and deeply meaningful because of it.

Love Cass xoxo