7 Steps to Remove Yourself from a Toxic Coworker — Even When You Like Them Personally

It’s complicated when a coworker you genuinely like and empathize with starts affecting your mental health and professional life. You understand their struggles, maybe even their past hardships, and you find yourself making excuse after excuse for their behavior. But at some point, the weight of those excuses becomes your burden — and that’s not fair to you. You begin to wonder: why does this person get away with being difficult or unprofessional, while you consistently do your job and get overlooked or undervalued? It’s time to stop justifying their actions and start prioritizing your well-being. Accountability matters — no matter what someone’s history looks like.

Here are 7 steps to help you protect yourself and professionally distance from a toxic coworker, even when you care about them personally.

1. Acknowledge Your Limits and Set Clear Boundaries

It’s important to recognize that your compassion doesn’t mean you have to tolerate everything. Loving or liking someone doesn’t require you to sacrifice your emotional or professional well-being. Identify what behaviors you can no longer accept, and clearly define your limits. For example, if their negativity affects your focus or their outbursts drain your energy, it’s okay to step back. Communicate your boundaries calmly and assertively — it’s about protecting yourself, not punishing them.

2. Stop Making Excuses for Their Behavior

While their past or personal struggles might explain their behavior, they do not excuse it. Constantly rationalizing poor conduct only enables ongoing toxicity. Recognize when you’re justifying actions that disrupt your work or create an unhealthy environment. Challenge yourself to separate empathy from enabling. Holding someone accountable doesn’t mean you stop caring — it means you expect respect and professionalism in the workplace.

3. Prioritize Your Mental Health Above All Else

Toxic work relationships can cause stress, anxiety, and burnout. Prioritize activities that help you decompress and maintain your emotional resilience — whether it’s exercise, meditation, talking to friends, or pursuing hobbies outside of work. Don’t hesitate to seek professional support like counseling if the situation feels overwhelming. Remember: your mental health is non-negotiable.

4. Keep Your Interactions Strictly Professional

It’s natural to want to connect on a personal level, especially if you like someone. But when a coworker is toxic, limit your conversations to work-related topics to protect your emotional space. Avoid sharing personal information or getting drawn into their dramas. This professional distance helps you maintain clarity and reduces opportunities for conflict or manipulation.

5. Document Incidents and Problematic Behavior

Keep detailed records of any incidents where the coworker’s behavior has affected your work or wellbeing. Note dates, times, what was said or done, and any witnesses. Documentation is crucial if you need to escalate the issue to HR or management. It also helps you objectively track patterns instead of getting lost in emotional responses.

6. Seek Support and Communicate Your Boundaries

Don’t try to handle the situation alone. Speak with a trusted supervisor, HR representative, or mentor about what you’re experiencing. Ask for advice or assistance setting boundaries or adjusting your work environment. Being transparent about the impact on your productivity and wellbeing is key to finding a solution. Also, let your coworker know your limits respectfully but firmly — sometimes people are unaware of how their actions affect others.

7. Create Physical and Emotional Distance When Possible

If the situation doesn’t improve, explore practical ways to remove yourself physically or emotionally. This might mean requesting a change in seating arrangements, modifying your work hours, or shifting to remote work if possible. Emotional distance is equally important — practice detaching from the drama and focusing on your tasks. Sometimes the best way to regain control is to limit exposure.

In Conclusion

Caring about a coworker doesn’t mean accepting their toxicity or sacrificing your peace of mind. Holding others accountable, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your mental health are acts of strength, not selfishness. Your work environment should be a place of respect and support — and you have every right to protect that space. Making these tough choices is a necessary step toward reclaiming your professional life and personal wellbeing.

Love Cass xox